Little Talks
by Bitway
Summary: One lonely night turns into one that is a little...unbearable (sort of). {kind of matamina, canon divergence}


a/n: I would like to thank Tam for this prompt. It's not exact (I think) but yeah here it is

* * *

It's a quiet night, one that Matatagi is thankful for. He needed the break from all the practice, from dealing with everyone around him. Breaks like these allow him to let out a deep sigh, one that had been held back for far too long. He doesn't have to worry about anyone asking him questions, about the others acting as if they were concerned over him for just letting that out.

He stretches, unwinds outside of the dorms the team was currently residing in. He pauses in his steps, eyes glancing back to the it. The thought of returning and getting some sleep passes. He will, soon. For now, he wants to enjoy this peaceful night. He resumes walking, heading over to a bench and sits on it. The boy leans back, gaze looking upward to the glittering night sky.

"Hmph. If only it were like this more often," he remarks, another sigh letting out. Matatagi raises his arms, hands going behind his head.

It almost feels weird being able to rest like this. He knows theres so much going on, so much he has to do, so much he has to worry about. He can't forget everything, thoughts of family still linger and maybe he shouldn't be enjoying this moment so much, he thinks.

"Matatagi?"

Hearing his name startles him. Matatagi sits up on the bench, dropping his hands to the bench and turns to see who had decided to approach him.

"Oh. It's only you, Minaho."

"Only me?" Minaho greets him with a light chuckle. "That's one way to greet a person, isn't it?"

It was different from the usual greetings, the 'hellos' and 'good mornings'. This one sounded a little more distant and perhaps he had come at a bad time? It wouldn't be the first time he'd caught the other alone, away from the team.

(Minaho recalls how he had approached him once before when something seemed to be on his mind. He had said some odd things, along the lines of, "They're all just acting this way- does anyone here really think it's all genuine?" It had been a sudden commentary, unexpected. Approaching him on the matter, he had brushed it off. And he'd continue to do so each time he'd been caught.

Would he ever get the other male to elaborate on such words? He hoped so.)

Rather than leaving, he steps towards the other, curiosity having a tight hold on him. He takes a seat beside him, quiet for a moment as he glances up to the sky.

"I didn't expect you to be out here so late. Normally, you'd be in your room by now like the others."

Matatagi raises a brow. "Hearing you say that makes it sound like you're trailing me."

"It's all in good practice. Besides, you've yet to tell me to get lost."

"I wouldn't say that..." He glances away from the other. He'd thought it before, wanted to tell him to leave him alone at times. But he couldn't, not to his face, not to anyone.

Minaho doesn't reply, simply eyeing the other male for a moment. He tries to find something his body language, his movement, tries to read him. There were walls the other had put up, for some reason he couldn't find an answer to. The more he tried to poke at him, the more that were thrown up in their place. Sometimes he made progress (or so he liked to think), other times it seemed like he was driving the other away. It was difficult to tell when he kept this self up.

"So, Matatagi," he starts, "how is your family doing? I saw your brothers after our last game. They seem to be doing well."

The question irks him, slightly. There's nothing wrong with asking about his family, it's a normal thing to do. He just doesn't know why he should tell him about his family. They weren't his problem.

(He wasn't his problem either.)

"They're doing fine," he shrugs in response. "I just wish I could keep an eye on them more. It's not easy being away from them for so long."

He doesn't look at him as he answers. Matatagi wishes that they could be boarding here alongside him. It's nicer and better than their home. Hell, he was ready to even ask about them staying in his room instead of giving them their own. But, it wasn't allowed. They'd be a burden here, to others. It wouldn't be acceptable and he'd be the cause of problems. Besides, they were fine for now. Their mother was home for a short period. She was okay, or she had been the last time he had seen her. The thought makes him decide that he should go and see them at one point. She might need help, and what if she was falling ill-

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"

"Who?"

"Your mother."

Matatagi's tongue clicks, unintentionally. He just hates how he had been read like that. "You know, you really should stop trying to read people sometimes." He tries to sound polite as he speaks, but he's not aware of how his tone fails at hiding the annoyance. "Pointing out unnecessary things only drives others away."

"You're not the first to tell me that." Minaho shrugs it off easily. Something else had caught his attention anyway. Aside from seeing those worried signs Matatagi displayed when thinking about his family (like how he'd get that distant look, eyes narrowing, hands twitching, little restless movements that made it seem he was ready to run off that very instant), he had heard a part of the real him.

"How's your family?"

It's a sudden question, one Matatagi intends to ask in order to throw Minaho and his prying gaze off his back. The other knew enough about his family already. He had given him answers before, as much as he could without giving too much away. Now, it was his turn.

"My mom is doing fine. She asks how I'm doing time to time. Ah, that reminds me, I should probably contact her tomorrow."

His answer is so...normal. It leaves a weird feeling in his gut. He knows that it's a response most would give when asked. His mother (and he assumes the others here) wasn't in poor health and could hold her own. Matatagi wishes that could be the case for him. But, life isn't easy. Life isn't forgiving.

"And your father? How is he?"

He hadn't mentioned him and he could recall little about the other boy's father. He was mentioned, sometimes, but nothing more than his name or profession. Like him, he mostly spoke of his mother.

"He's alright. I like to think he's doing so."

That answer causes Matatagi to furrow his brows. It wasn't a usual, normal response. "What do you mean?"

Minaho closes his eyes for a moment, contemplating on his reply. It's quiet between the two. His head turns and he looks straight at the other.

"I guess I never told you before, did I? Well, it's not like it's confidential information, but...he's no longer with me." As he speaks, his face keeps that small smile on. Though, Matatagi can't pick up any joy from him, he's still serious, calm about this subject. "He passed away when I was really young."

Matatagi frowns to the news, he opens his mouth to say, 'I'm sorry,' as it's the right and polite thing to do. It's what a friend would- should do, right? The thought makes his mouth shut, forgetting about ever uttering that. (He never considered him a friend and would never, so why did that even bother to cross his mind?)

"I really admired him. He did a lot, worked hard, and never seemed to doubt himself. Although, when I was younger I may not have been aware of that. I'm sure he did, he was only human. Perhaps just not in front of me. I think he wanted to come off as a good father, especially since work usually had him busy. His time spent with family was one he seemed to treasure most. And maybe I was spoiled by his stories to."

He's rambling, he hadn't intended to. It's almost like his observations, but not quite. He's not bickering with a certain mathematician. He's talking about fond memories, getting to wrapped up in them and unable to notice the slight change in the other boy.

Matatagi looks relatively calm, it's easy to, even though he can feel his blood beginning to boil. How could he say all this to him? Ramble on about his father and his family? He shouldn't have asked but hadn't expected to end up listening to fond memories of someone he'd never know. And to say so much about his father in such a way...the way he's talking and going on and on- just how insensitive could this guy be?

(He forgets that Minaho isn't aware about his father and how he doesn't have one.)

"I miss him. I can't really turn to anyone for help. He did set me on the right path though, but I've been on my own since then. There's always my mother, but she's not a detective nor does she know as much as he did about the line of work."

The forward gulps, clenches his fists. He can't look at the other right now. He's just so- _too_ nonchalant about his father. How he adores him and misses him. It's sickening, disgusting. Why was he listening to him ramble on again? He just wanted to get up, leave, run and clear his mind.

This made him think of his father. Think of that man who had left his family years ago. Just the thought brings forth some terrible feelings. He tries to conceal them, but it's difficult around someone like Minaho. He could always pick up on the smallest things, a twitch, some (verbal or physical) tic, anything. It would give him away. But, he can't pick up on anything when he's in his own little happy land, now can he?

"I don't think I can live up to his work, but I can do my own thing. I still want to follow in his footsteps, but..."

Minaho pauses, something catching his eye. His head turns and finds Matatagi tense with a dark look upon his face. It gets him curious, makes him wonder how he had gotten this way.

"Matatagi?"

"What is it?"

"Is something wrong?" He asks, head tilting.

Matatgi doesn't want to give an answer, doesn't want to give into these feelings welling up inside of him. It all felt dark and different, but oddly comforting at the same time. So, he gives the better answer, the one people want to hear. He takes in a breath, lets out a sigh and forces a smile while scratching the back of his head.

"I'm fine. I think I'm just a little tired from being out here so late. I should probably be heading back."

That's a good enough answer. It gives him a way out, lets him leave. And he is. Matatagi is ready to get to get his feet and walk off. But, he's stopped. Something touches his clenched fist- Minaho's hand.

The defender had known there was more to it than that excuse. He'd seen when the other had grown distant again. When he had pushed to far, he'd drop it. He'd find out what was wrong on his own when he couldn't get a verbal answer. Minaho would step back and just observe, try his method of deduction. But, this time seemed different.

"You can tell me, you know. I'm your friend."

Hearing that last part caused him to flinch. "I don't have to tell you anything. What makes you think you have the right to know anything about me."

Matatagi moves his hand away from Minaho's. He's not surprised the other hand't tried to stop him. Who would? Why should he? He had been playing the part of a so called friend, that was it. They were only supposed to be buddy buddy while playing on this team. Afterwards, there'd be nothing left.

(And that's how it should be. He wanted to desperately believe in that. There'd be nothing else. Nothing.)

"I'm going to bed."

He stands, this time getting to his feet quickly. Minaho finds himself doing something unexpected in response to his ready to go attitude. He jumps to his feet as well and steps in front of Matatagi. He remains in place, staring at him, unmoving.

"You won't be able to sleep well with a clouded mind."

A glare is thrown at him and he knows it's supposed to be intimidating. That dark look hasn't left and it almost feels like he's staring into something he's not supposed to. The part of him that he's trying to hide and should be hidden. Was it really going to come out like this? Minaho catches the other opening his mouth and cuts him off before he can throw out another excuse to leave.

"I won't tell anyone about what you say to me tonight. You can show yourself to me and no one will have to know."

"You're doing this more to fill your curiosity, aren't you?"

It's an actual sarcastic response. And it's very surprising not to hear it coated behind something forcibly sweet. Part of him knows that he's doing this for a reason, trying to push him away, but he can't help but be worried for him. (Curiosity is another thing to, he'd admit that.)

Matatagi remains still, eyes glancing down, attempting to hide behind his bangs. He hates this, all of this. He regrets being out here, regrets talking to him, regrets getting close. Why did he bother putting on such a stupid act? It was supposed to be easier this way, to avoid all the troubles of dealing with people. To avoid opening up to them.

He considers running. Minaho would be unable to catch him and thats a fact they're both aware of is true. But, Matatagi also knows that he'll chase him down. He had, hadn't he? In his own way. Maybe if he says a few words, he'll be okay. He'd stop this and leave him alone. (He doubts it but god running away seems to cause more problems than solutions.)

"Must be nice to have had someone to look up to. Actually having a father who cares about you. I never had one. That man doesn't exist." Just mentioning him leaves a bad taste in his mouth. "And you can talk about him like it's nothing, even though he's gone. You have so much." So much that he didn't have.

"It's disgusting how you can talk about him like that. You ramble on about him as if I actually cared." He shouldn't have said that. "I don't care about him or you." (He does.) "Even your mother is perfectly fine. You should be talking to her about all this."

His fists clench and he refuses to look at the other. Right now, he doesn't care. He's angry, envious, tired, hurting. "I don't have anything. All I have is my family and I have to do everything for them. No one here understands what I'm going through. They act like they do- even you! None of you do. I know you don't." No one does.

"You follow me around so much, its more for fun isn't it? I know you have no interest in me. It's all just a facade. No matter what you say, in the end, nothing will change." His head lifts now and he sees a surprised look on Minaho's face. He's not sure why, doesn't care, figures it's all just an act.

Maybe that's a sign he should just shut up now.

"If you want to tell the others about this, go ahead. It'll be like our first game all over again." And he'll be pushed aside. That's just how it was, how it always will be. They'd never trust him and he'd never trust them.

(Somewhere deep down, he wished he could trust them. These idiots were growing on him more than he liked to admit. He missed having friends, he missed actually mattering to someone. Couldn't at least one person care about him? No. It would mean being like this with them. No one wants this- him.)

Speaking like this leaves a strange feeling in his chest. It's not as ugly as he thought it would be. Although, he really wishes that he hadn't spoken so much. It's weird and relieving but also he regrets saying anything. He shouldn't be here any longer. He doesn't belong here. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't.

Before he can say anything else (was he? He wasn't so sure) he feels something warm in his hand. He looks and finds Minaho's hand once again in his. Dark eyes quickly look to Minaho.

And he's smiling, that usually little smile on his face. He can't tell if there's pity in his eyes or...something else. His thoughts are a mess right now, whatever that look is it's...something he hadn't seen before.

"That's how you really feel, huh?" He asks. "It really must be to make you lose your composure and cry."

Cry? Him? No. He wasn't. He'd never cry. Matatagi lifts his free hand to his cheeks, finding them wet. When had he started crying? He's not sure, can't even recall the feeling of tears falling.

"Maybe it was insensitive of me to speak of my father like that. I won't around you from now on. And I don't know you, fully, you're still rather interesting to me. Even if you think the others might not be, I am."

"You're-"

"What makes you think I'm going after you like this is a game?"

The question silences Matatagi. He could think of countless reasons why. For fun, for his own amusement. Nothing leaves his mouth.

"Matatagi..." He starts before putting his other hand over the one already holding Matatagi's. "You're not alone, not anymore."

He wants to argue with him, say it's impossible. But theres's something in his throat that makes it difficult to speak. He just holds back, squeezes the other's hand, tightly (maybe a little too tightly). Matatagi tries to wipe off the tears stained on his cheeks and god he hates thinking how much of a mess he'd been tonight. And all in front of Minaho (it was all thanks to him how he'd started this downfall).

It takes a few moments to recover, the dark look fades and he seems to go back to his usual self. Matatagi lets go of his hand, clears his throat.

"You...better keep to what you said, Minaho."

"Hmm?" His ears perk up.

Matatagi sighs. "Don't...tell anyone about tonight." Part of him thinks he's going to tell someone (Manabe is the first to come to mind). This isn't something he should even be saying. But this night is already taking strange turns he doesn't like and it doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon.

"I promise I won't. You have my word," Minaho replies with a chirp. "But if you want more from me, to prove it, I can offer something else? Oh, and if you don't mind," he pauses and looks up to him, "I'd still like to learn more about you. The real you. It's really not what I had expected."

 _No_. He wants to say that and tries to but doesn't. "Don't keep your expectations so high."

"I guess thats a yes from you?"

"I doubt you'd take no as an answer."

"Maybe if you actually tell me to get lost I will."

He sighs and shakes his head, not bothering with another verbal throwback. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have one person around him.

(It's what he wanted after all, no matter how much he'd deny it.)


End file.
